I care a lot about balance, as it is a core value of mine. And these days I see and hear everything and anything being thrown into the ‘balance’ concept. To the point that many women stop believing in it, or are too confused about what it means. Soon we will be talking about the ‘B’ world in some taboo fashion…so we need to simplify things and get back to the core of what it means. And go for it, if it matters to us.
Balance started appearing in conversations about motherhood and work, and that is where its true meaning was anchored. Because it appeared that doing both comprehensively was near impossible, at least in the early years of your children, the word was carved to talk about finding a compromise that was manageable.
Fast forward 15 years, with increasing choices in our lives thanks to communications, disposable income & credit, inter connectivity through technology, and balance has shifted to mean doing everything. You get the difference? Especially in the anglo-saxon culture, balance is now associated with integrating all your activities seamlessly and scoring an A in every area of your life. It looks like diary perfectionism, blended with multi-standards and pride.
No wonder it’s hard to achieve! And so many women are now walking away from it. You can loose count of the books or talks about the work life balance debate, whether it is achievable or not. And to be honest, this type of controversy probably does not serve the women cause very much, because we are all talking about it but not much is happening in the doing space. We could end up in the balance vacuum with little progress for the quality of our lives.
So what do I mean by balance? It is a personal thing, a different definition for each person out there. Because it is about what feels right for a person. And it is the right to choose how much of what we want to be doing in our lives, without being judged or feeling like we are less or more of a person. It really sits at the core of your being, like you collarbone. And you need that balance of activities, emotions and results in your life which fulfills you.
This entirely starts with knowing yourself, what you care about and what your priorities are. Don’t look for inspiration in the media, on Facebook or in articles promising the ‘top 10 rules to a perfect xxxx’. Look inwards. There is no universal recipe, and balance is about making up your own – and evolving it with the time. For some people balance means working 60h a week, because they love their work and it gives them so much energy; and they usually don’t have too many other conflicting priorities. For others balance means seeing their kids every morning and every evening for at least a good hour. Or exercising every day. Or having that weekly family dinner. Or taking a day off every few weeks. You see how it’s impossible to generalise into one scheme and label it the ‘work life balance’, and how wrong that is.
So what does balance look like for you? What’s your unique recipe? For me it is about fitting in some ‘me time’ every week to exercise and recharge on my own, mixed up with some intense work sessions and some light family fun & interactions. That’s what I want in my life right now, and no doubt it will shift again over the years. It used to be partying every WE and talking to lots of friends all the time.
Once you are clear, you can set out to make it happen, to build it inside your life the way you want it. Never be apologetic for what balance is to you – forget the mould, there isn’t one. It’s all an illusion out there. Balance is the cadence of your life and you are the conductor. Do your own magic!
