As we near International Women’s Day, the talk about advancing women’s cause and reach better gender balance resumes. But I can’t help reflecting on everything we can do as women on our side of the camp to lead more. It’s one thing to ask and demand, but we need to grow and maintain our side of the fence too. So I’m sharing today the subtle, indirect tendencies I see in women who limit their reach at work and how they can turn this around.
First up in our secret bag of tendencies is the one to shy away from opportunities. Yes we want them! But when they are on the horizon, we freak out. Isn’t it true? We get asked to speak in public, to take on a large project, write a thoughtful article or to lead a challenging team. But we retreat into the fear of not being good enough, and not delivering to the high expectations we perceive. From there we find lots of little reasons why we should not do it, and unless we are seriously pushed into it, we just don’t. And the trend goes on. So next time you get asked to do something, even if it scares you lots, leave your thoughts aside and just do it. Have a go.
What else? Of course there is the fact that we say yes too often when we are actually dying to say no deep down. That will never advance our cause. Men say no when it does not suit them, so why can’t we do it too? I reckon this is the number one basic foundation of women leadership. Let’s start with this, collectively.
The other little pitfall we like is to over-prepare. We like to plan, to know exactly what we are going to say or how a project will roll out. So we never jump in or improvise, and we stay stuck in a zero-risk avenue. This served us well at school, but no longer in today’s workplace. We need to have three bullet points before an important conversation and go in with our authentic selves to do the rest. Time to trust ourselves more!
A by-product of our planning tendencies is that we take a lot on and we process it with so much brio that we keep our jobs forever. We do it so well that we think it is less efficient to delegate and teach someone else. And we can’t stand the waste of time or efficiency. So we double our speed and deliver the work every time (sometimes at the expense of other aspects of our lives). We need to start teaching more, empowering people outside of us, rather than thinking all the ownership is on us. That does not mean we fail. It means we lead. Time to take the load off a bit!
Another watch out for us is our lovely conditioning to praise, permission and getting credit. So we wait for all those things before we play bigger. Because we are not even letting our brain think we can otherwise, like in a logical sequence. I was caught up in this for years. Even with my career change, I was waiting on others to approve of it and send me on my track. One day I realised I was waiting for nothing…that it would never come. And that I could do it just here right now, because that’s all I ever needed. So watch where you are waiting on external feedback or directions. Do you really need it?
My last one on the list is our insufficient support of other women. We should all champion ourselves, all the time, no matter our positions. If we are high up, it’s our job to lead by example to inspire younger women. If we are in the middle, we should celebrate other women’s wins and learn from them. Granted, it can trigger our egos and make us think ‘why isn’t it happening to me?’. But the day you flip that thought into ‘it can happen to me too’ you start leading. We have zero time for insecurities between ourselves. It does not help other women, and make us all appear divided. So time to drop our egos and think win-win as opposed to comparisons.
I hope the tendencies listed here can help you identify where you can boost your own sense of leadership. Then it’s up to you to spread out your learning to other women who will benefit too. Watch your impact when you start!
