I regularly meet women who are stuck in a career rut. They might be realising their line of work isn’t for them. They might have accumulated solid experience in a field but want a change. Some want to significantly upgrade their roles and cannot seem to bridge that gap. Others so indispensable or busy in their current role that they can’t get off the treadmill. The common point is that you keep wanting something else, but it never seems to happen. So if this is you, I am giving you here some thought starters to get you out of that phase.
The first thing to be looking at is you. You might want to jump straight to actions, steps and help. But if you are not functioning well, most other things, like your ability to make good decisions, will be affected. I am talking about your general well-being, stress levels, fun levels, happiness outside of work. If you have been stuck for some time, chances are some of these areas have suffered as a result. If you are miserable, you will not have the energy and mindset required to get out of that rut and get what you want. What needs attention with you right now? If you know (and you will) that some aspects need urgent attention, start there. Book that appointment, take a day off, talk to a close friend, write a journal, put a mindfulness practice in place.
The next big thing you need to be looking at is what is really keeping you stuck. This could take multiple forms and you need some distance to be really honest with yourself. It could be your own fears, emitted like a broken tape in your head. Telling you that what you would need to do is not possible, or that you won’t succeed for you can come up with. These thoughts go round in circle and keep you stuck indefinitely, until you decide to stop them and use a different tape.
You could also be kept stuck because of fears associated with your goal. It might mean losing your circle of friends, or dropping income. Or it would impact your family, or involve moving. There might be more responsibilities or people to manage, more travel maybe. And no certainty of the outcome. All these very concrete potential consequences can scare you enough to stop you in your tracks.
Another force keeping you stuck could be people around you. You might be constantly reminded that you need to stay in your job for the income, or for stability whilst your partner has other goals. Others can also judge your ideas and stall your career progress if you let them. Some people even prefer to see you stuck, because it allows them to stay stuck as well. They project their own ‘stuckness’ onto you, because they are not dealing with it. So are you letting others’ opinions blend in too much with your direction?
Lastly you could be stuck because it has become a default thinking mode that you have implicitly adopted. I mean this in the most compassionate way, because we can fall victims to this and not realise it. Especially if we find other buddies to be stuck with. After a while, we can become comfortable in our habits and become passive. Every negative event in our work life can then further fuel our sense of rut and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And we carry it around like our daily luggage, hoping for compassion and support from others. In this case, it is important to practice self-awareness and personally decide on a different way of thinking.
The next question is what do you really want? Being stuck means that you are ready to grow. That you are ready to change gear and potentially change direction. So once you have removed the fears standing in the way, open yourself up to understand what you are longing for. You probably know the answer deep down already. You just have never acted on it, because it is so scary. Once you’ve got it, write it down and do not let other thinking patterns make that clarity disappear (and repeat the stuck cycle). Commit to your new goal and trust that you will find the way to reach it.
Finally ask yourself what would help you? What do you need to make this happen? Start wherever you are at, and take one tiny action. Research on-line, send an e-mail enquiry, talk to someone. It does not matter how far you go. The minute you have taken actions, as little as they are, you are no longer stuck. And the bonus is that you have shifted your energy from rut to action. So the momentum will continue for you.
Overall you may feel like external things are keeping you stuck, but in reality the majority of it lies within yourself. Only you can get the gate to open. You can read countless books hoping for a magic bullet. But the answer lies within you, and in your ability to want to change. Change your language from ‘I’m stuck’ to ‘I’m ready for new opportunities’ and see the difference it makes. Trust that you know deep down where you want to go, and know that you will be OK.
