Stress is becoming more and more a life companion for most of us, and is particularly invading our work lives. Like me, I am sure you are seeing many stressed workers around you. It might even be you – running from one task to the next like on a treadmill that never stops. Then you use your WE to catch some fresh oxygen before running back head down into the frenzy. This is a situation I have experienced myself for years, so I wanted to give you my tips to handle and overcome feeling stressed. I am mostly talking about work here, but this applies outside of it as well.
Do we need to go over the signs? I bet you know well enough if you have got high stress levels. You struggle to switch off after hours, sleep poorly, or have memory blanks. You feel like there is never enough time, and that your to-do-lists are continuously growing on you. You struggle at times to keep your emotions in check at work or outside, and lose your cool for things that probably didn’t warrant it. You find yourself needing snacks or comfort food to get through the day. You might catch yourself breathing shallowly and your skin might even break out. You constantly have thoughts racing in your head whether you are driving, sitting in a meeting, on the phone or even when enjoying some relaxation outside of work (that thought “oh, I should really relax!..”).
Sounds familiar? We all experience these things to a degree. But if we have too many of these symptoms, they accumulate and like a domino effect, can tip us over. As human beings, we are not designed to handle prolonged, constant exposure to stress. When we do, we produce adrenalin all day which creates all sorts of internal imbalances. This ultimately affects our immune system and overall health. Our nervous system needs breaks, full stop. If you find yourself on the stress train, you need to think about getting off every now & then to preserve yourself and your ability to keep going. Because nobody is superwoman, sadly!…
I won’t delve here into the consequences of too much stress. Just to name a few by-products: anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, immune-related illnesses, burnout. Nothing pretty in this list, and unfortunately we don’t end up there by choice. Rather by the fact that we have left stress at the steering wheel for too long.
So this is my message: we have a choice. Stressed is a choice we make. I know, this must sound ludicrous to many of you – and it did to me when I first heard this. But we can let ourselves be stressed or not. Stress isn’t some kind of molecule floating around that we randomly attract and cannot get rid of. We manufacture stress. It is our emotions that drive us to fear and generate a stress response. So we can choose different emotions, and get a different result.
How will you say? How when I have a ton of work and deadlines piling up? When nobody is there to help? Well you need coping strategies. First of all, ask yourself ‘is this really worth stressing about?’. If it is not happening, or if it objectively does not matter that much, then choose not to stress. I bet this will divide your stress pretty much by half. For example, if you feel guilt, unworthiness or shame, then reflect if this is coming from you or from the reality. Then choose a different feeling. If you are a perfectionist, you think everything must be done. Chances are you are the only person believing that, and it is not the reality itself. So where you are (unnecessarily) stressing yourself out?
If there are real circumstances that generate stress, ask yourself ‘what do I need to do for this stress to go away?’. You need to get into rational mode and find solutions. Think of it like pest control. Delegate some work or outsource. Talk to your boss about prioritisation. Check what is REALLY needed. Choose to let go of some things that won’t get done, or postpone them. Say no to an invitation. Move meetings. Ask for help. Take a day off. Simplify a process. Remove steps or people involved. You need to find ways to throw that stress right back into the cosmos. Or you will bear it.
Another remedy is to cut off all ‘stressors’ in our work lives: e-mail alerts popping up on our screens, phone alerts beeping, calendar reminders, text messages coming through. That Facebook app sitting proudly on your home screen screaming ‘check me out, please!’ every time you look at it. Remove mess from your desk. Clean up your feeds – no point keeping up with dozens of groups. The mounting to-do-lists, or list of lists. Anything that reminds you that time is ticking, or that you need to do or be more, more and more. Think of what this is creating for you, and how you behave under their influence.
I’m coming back to the heart of this: choose another way. You always have a choice, even though you might perceive it differently. Practice this like a muscle, every time you find yourself in a situation triggering stress. It will get easier. And sit with these questions for a while: do you really have to do all that? What is there to achieve? Is it worth it? Nobody else is going to be that voice for you ultimately. So pause to think (maybe use that slow hour I wrote about) and choose your response. When you get off the stress train, you will notice all the other wonderful views that exist around.
If you wish to learn more about stress, I recommend reading ‘Rushing Woman’s Syndrome’ by Dr Libby Weaver.
