Being a nice person is a real strength

As part of my work with women we explore their key strengths. If you would like to take the free test for yourself, here is the link. The test shows a lot of women possess natural strengths like kindness, fairness, love, or social intelligence. And they often judge their results critically, thinking that these strengths aren’t very useful. They dismiss them, saying that they aren’t adequate to drive their professional success. Or simply I hear that they are all ‘soft’, ‘fluffy’ and not worth focusing on.

I’m writing this because I want to tell you kindly that this is wrong. I want to invite you to change that thinking and turn it on its head. What if you considered the possibility that being kind, caring and loving to others could actually serve you?

Being altruistic, empathic and a caring loving person is entirely part of our feminine nature. We were born this way. Women are naturally more nurturing, connecting and mindful of others. So don’t disregard nature’s gift, and embrace that feminine part of yours.

Our negative jugement comes from the current social model, especially in the corporate world. Masculine values like leadership, drive, bravery are associated with performance. So we think to be successful we need to be those things: tough, hard-working, focused, productive and super smart. We hang performance together with individual intelligence and personal management. And as a result, we interpret ‘softer’ social values focused outwards as ineffective and less worth our while.

So let me ask you this: what do you believe to be ‘good’ character traits to have at work? How masculine and how feminine are they? The ideal is to strike that balance between the two. Look at high profile leaders and their own balance of values : Barak Obama, Oprah, Richard Branson to name a few. Why do so many successful people give back through philanthropy? That care for others is there too.

Research and facts have proved how employees with social intelligence deliver greater performance. Emotionally intelligent leaders are more successful. Some companies now test on EQ upon recruiting. So if you have those dispositions naturally – to be respectful, empathic and genuinely caring – you are set to be successful, provided you use them.

I tell the women I work with how amazingly lucky they are to carry those qualities so naturally. How many people out there crucially lack them, aren’t even aware of that lack, or are desperately taking on training to develop in those areas? Do you know how many employees want a leader that is fair? Everybody can acquire those abilities, some requiring more efforts than others. But if they come to you naturally, then you need to start showing up at work making full use of them. Be proud of them. 

Being kind, loving, fair or humble will help you greatly build relationships at work. You will be a better listener, naturally expand your network and watch out for your colleagues and staff. When it comes to work capacity or handling personal issues, you will be better equipped. You will create trust around you naturally, and remain approachable by all. If you work with clients or suppliers, they will feel understood and valued. When things get tough or stressful, you will still be able to bring that nice little touch of support that will go a long way.

Remember the saying “people will remember how you made them feel“. It’s not about how many reports you got out the door, or the quantified results you can speak of. All of that is nothing if there is isn’t the underlying ability to connect with people. So rejoice if you are naturally gifted to create that. And look at what masculine values you may need to dial up to strike the ideal balance. Do you need more focus, some goals, an injection of courage?

If your strengths lie in getting on with people, it doesn’t mean you are less of as an employee because you don’t come across as a shooting star. It simply means you have a different ‘composition’ in your strengths leaning towards your feminine side. And the world needs this too, after years of leadership models anchored in masculine values that don’t create optimum results. So what are you waiting for? Be yourself at work and bring on your greatness. Yes please.