One of the juiciest part of my role as a coach is that I can help others realise where they may be stopping their own progress. It’s always much easier to spot from the outside, than when it is happening to you. Have you ever pondered what was really the cause of things not happening for you?
So I wanted to gather for you here the most common thoughts or statements I hear which typically indicate some self-sabotaging mechanisms. I’m doing this to gently, peacefully (and remotely) calling you out, so you can start seeing it and make inroads if it applies to you. And by the way, those thoughts happen to me too regularly in some shape or form.
“I need to prove myself first somewhere new, then I can ask for what I want”. The idea that we must first impress, validate our worth with people who don’t know us, in order to deserve what we want is a fallacy. We are always ready and deserving of what we want. There is no established, sealed, process to say we need a step in between. Same if you are looking for a different role, you can go straight there without having to pivot first into the ‘same thing somewhere else’.
” My success may be because I’m lucky to have a nice company or people around me”. It helps, but the reason why you are successful is because of YOU. Your efforts, your skills, your personal development and your natural strengths. So please take all those and admit them to yourself. You have achieved many things, and they didn’t come from luck or any kind of right combination of circumstances. Own it, and use it to get to the next step.
“I can only aspire to roles within what I’m currently doing”. Can you imagine if this was actually true? There wouldn’t be much progress around organisations and industries. Radical career change aside (where none of the skills are transferable), you can apply everything you’ve learnt and that you are as a person to a different role. Look around you for some examples. The only reason when this doesn’t happen is because people didn’t think it was possible.
“I need to learn X, Y, Z or study this course before I’m ready”. What tells you that you actually do? Have you spoken with people who have achieved the same, and got confirmation this was the path? Or is this you telling yourself you would feel entitled to this new role only if certain conditions are met. Because it would be worse to go for it and fail, than to actually not go for it. So you find logical ways to wait.
“I don’t know the process, the steps to get there”. So you are waiting for the answer to come externally. That way you can just follow the steps and get the guaranteed results. This sounds like a foolproof method, yet there isn’t a unique, set path. We can’t put everything into a structure, especially if they involve us as human beings. The plan would give you the certainty you need. Give up on that need, because it will keep you stuck. The certainty comes as you try something. You only need to discover this once.
“I cannot afford to drop the ball”. This is a tricky one, because it taps into our righteousness and like of a job well done. These are in essence positive traits. But what is the actual definition of dropping the ball in your case? The person that will most likely have an issue with it would be you, not your employer. If you cut 20% and focus on what are you not doing, you forget the 80% you are doing that are essential to the job. That’s plenty enough when you are unhappy where you are. Free yourself up from the rest.
“I don’t have a choice”. Well it’s true that when we see it that way, all other options aren’t even on the table for us. Yet they are. We just choose not to see them, and to think that our current reality does not have many exits. I was there too years ago, and I know now that I had multiple exits had I opened up my mind to them at the time. Restricting our options is just another way of not going for what we want. We focus on the negative impacts, and that surely will stop us from trying.
All of the above are common, for women especially. So relax and catch yourself next time one of them pops up in your head. It’s always a good idea to run these thoughts past someone external you trust, or to look for the evidence (or lack of) supporting them. Either way don’t let them sit in your head stopping you from getting what you want. Now is as good a time as it gets.
