Don’t we all have that negative self-talk which prevents us from going forward? It’s so present, we feel like we are born with it. We might even not associate our thoughts with self-doubt, maybe they are more like our internal chatter. But when we look at them in the eye, we find they are actually very far from constructive. This is a big topic, not one to deal with over one blog post. But I want to give you some thought starters to decrease the impact of your self-doubt even by just 5%.
Self-doubt is the number cause of women’s lack of success, fulfilment and happiness. We may think we should fix our weight, relationships, work or money situation first. When really self-doubt is at the root cause of so many of those things. And by the way, I have it as well. A lot sometimes! We all have it, the difference is in how we respond to it.
The first step is to identify that self-doubt. It can hide under our words or be twisted inside circumstances which make us believe it’s sitting outside of us. One sure sign is having racing thoughts about how to get things done. Another is to stress before a big deadline, event or expectation of you. Catching your self-doubt and labelling it is half the battle. That’s pretty good! So become a detective with yourself. Tune in to see what you are thinking, like a close-up investigation of your thoughts and motives. Look where things are not working for you, and see if there is any self-doubt to be uncovered in those areas.
It takes some distance and a bit of quiet to get close like this to your thoughts. A close friend can point them out much faster, if you are ready to hear it. But once you know what you are making yourself believe, you are in the right position to change it. Because 99% of the times it isn’t really true. Feel free to take me up on this! By untrue, I mean we shape our perception based on our past. It’s often a defense mechanism to avoid the bad experiences we have had. So it rings true to us, but it isn’t true as such right now as we are thinking it. Do you see the difference?
This means our mind is playing tricks on us. All the time. To keep us safe, unhurt or to avoid repeating the past. And because anything bigger or new scares the hell out of us deep down. No wonder we all stay stuck in that wasteful in-between! So you guess it, the homework with self-doubt is two-fold: getting rid of the past, and getting acquainted with the new.
I do a lot of this work with my private clients (and with myself!). We look at the stories we tell ourselves inherited from our past, often unconsciously. Those belief systems that build a track on which we ride our days on, not even realising it. But the good thing is, we only need to find the few thoughts running the show for us. They keep showing up in different areas of our lives, so once we start paying attention we will get plenty of examples. And we realise then that those stories are not serving us right now.
The next big step is to find new ways to think that sit well with us. Thoughts we like that can overwrite the self-doubt. It isn’t an overnight fix (not even a monthly fix…unless you are a super fast processor!). But with time you get better at it like a muscle. And you start feeling really comfortable with the new thoughts. Once you get to that stage, things start shifting in your work and lives.
The best way to cure self-doubt is re-programming. Like an old software. It isn’t as sexy as getting a tan or a manicure, but it is mental self-care. And once you get over even half of your self-doubt, you start looking at new goals and activities that you want to bring in your life. You have that additional percentage of faith that will help you take the first small steps. And by the way, we are never done…sorry to break it to you! The next level of opportunity in your life will bring new self-doubt to the surface, and you will have to deal with that too to unlock it. You can easily look back through your past to see when you have done this successfully, and when maybe you have plateaued because you didn’t address it.
My wish is for you and all women to stop their self-doubt from leading their jobs and lives. There is SO much more out there for us, that we can’t even see if we stay stuck with our current thoughts. So good luck on the journey, and feel free to share when you have overcome some of those thoughts. What was on the other side?
