Perceptions aren’t reality. We know this in general. Yet we let them drive our thoughts and actions every single day and hour of it. Because we aren’t really aware of what they are, and we have integrated them as truth. These perceptions show up all the time in my coaching work – hence why it is important to discuss with someone external to you who will spot them when you don’t. It is a bit like wearing lenses without knowing it.
As I see some recurring perceptions amongst women especially in relation to their career, I wanted to table here some of the main ones. You might identify with them, and hopefully learn how to deal with them. In any case, please know that if you align with any of them, you are in very good company.
The first one is a concern about not meeting expectations in a new role or situation. This perception can arise even before you sign up for a new job, or after a restructure when roles change. We measure the gap between where we are now and where the new level is, and fear sets in right in between. When the new role is good news to us, our negativity biais looks for reasons why we not be up to it, or why we might fail.
The simple remedy to this perception is two-fold: firstly avoid future-tripping. The problem does not exist (currently). Why spend time on thinking about something that may not happen? Secondly, start exploring what expectations you specifically feel tensed about. Look at them under the microscope, dissecting them one by one. Then gather the facts around each expectation, in order to debunk them or address them. At that point there is no more perception, and a helpful reality either way.
The second perception I see a lot is that we cannot have two things that matter to us at the same time. For instance the thought that ‘I can’t have a job I love and work-life balance’. Or ‘I can’t have a flexible job and advance my career’. Anything to do with having to choose one thing over the other. You make up your own along the lines of ‘I can’t have this and this’.
Why do we not let ourselves have what we want? Because we think it’s too good to be true. Therefore our automatic programming reverts to a ‘wiser’ and safer approach choosing one thing. That way we won’t be disappointed, or it will be easier. But who says? Our perception says. The minute you look for examples of the contrary, you will find them. So question, research away and find your answer. In my experience, nothing is too good to be true (it’s also a personal motto of mine).
The third perception around us amazing achievers is that ‘everything that needs doing needs to be done’. This one might not even be said aloud to be true, most often it is ingrained. It speaks a lot to me, as I lived under its spell for the first 10 years of my career. When we become great at our operational roles, our organisational skills kick in and we want to get it all done. All the time. Preferably sooner rather than later. Ultimately this can turn into perfectionism.
My advice in this situation is to ask yourself ‘is this something that I am taking upon myself, and myself only?’. Seeing what is truly asked of you vs. what you perceive to be required will allow you to sort through your list. You don’t have to get everything done – ever. That is not on anyone’s job description. But your job is to get clear on the visible, critical things that need doing. Spot those and you are in the game. And start being used to leave a list of things ‘to do later’, delegate or simply do nothing about.
Here are those key perceptions that can make you stumble a little, or overthink a lot. You may spot them in a conversation with other people, and help them this way. New ones will always settle in (our brain loves them!) but with practice you will spot these too. So move beyond perceptions, because the view on the other side is much more exciting for you.
