Some of us are constantly driven to do a lot, and stuck in overwork mode. And then we find it difficult, because we have no balance. And we are tired. Utterly exhausted is more like it. But we can’t stop. It has to keep going. So we end up in this vicious cycle. Our sense of virtue and standards tell us to keep going, but our body and mind don’t quite follow. What is going on? How do you break that overwork cycle?
Action takes the focus
We spend our energy focusing on what we are doing, what still needs to be done, and what’s coming up next. We can fill pages and pages of that stuff. Our mind is consumed by the to-do-lists, the anticipation, the planning and the juggling. That’s what we do – we get things done. We fix. Pick up after people. Keep things under control. Deliver to a deadline. Save something at the last minute. Take initiatives. Volunteer. We don’t have space to think beyond that, who seriously could?
We are so busy with overworking, we don’t take the time to think about what is driving us. Is it excitement? Courage? Determination? Passion? Confidence? Inspiration? When I work with women who are overworked and out of balance, we find other types of emotions underneath. Self-doubt, fear, uncertainty, anxiety, frustration, hurt, threat, to name the main ones. Not very nice feelings.
What is behind these feelings is the interesting part. Why do we feel that way, and drive ourselves to do so much? A lot of it isn’t on our radar. It can actually be quite buried for some of us. It’s like we have always been that way, or feel like it’s just part of our programming. So we have to dig a bit deeper to find the root cause. What is making us stay back at work or do emails at 10pm when we can barely keep our eyes open?
The root cause
Here it is: thoughts deep within us, about what we believe we should do and why. Based on the potential risks, or shortcomings we are trying to avoid or compensate for. Lessons from past events that we don’t want to repeat. Things we were told as a kid. It’s like we have an operating system running us.
Here is a sample of the typical thought patterns we have at the core of all this overwork. ‘I cannot fail, or it would mean….’. ‘I’m behind’. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’. ‘I must succeed, there’s no other option for me’. ‘I can do it better’. ‘If I don’t do this, this will show I’m….’. ‘I can’t risk….’. ‘I need to prove myself here, because….’. ‘I’m not as good as…. because…’. You fill in the blanks. It’s heavy, and uncomfortable to discover what we really think deep down. But wouldn’t you rather know?
If you can get to see what you are thinking deep down, you are 3/4 of the way there. Then you’ll realise that all your proud work, your dedication, your high standards – whilst looking admirable on the outside – are fuelled by a different emotion inside. This took me years to work out. I used to think that my work commitment was the best strength I had. Until I realised that it came from a place of looking for appreciation, for a boost to my self-worth. Jobs are pretty useless at that, in case you haven’t figured out this yet…!
However no amount of work, actions, or sacrifices can make up for your own doubts. Or let me ask you this way: when will you get there? Where is the point when you will feel enough? If it’s still escaping you, it’s because there isn’t one. Doing over and beyond to build or rebuild something insufficient inside of you isn’t a good strategy. It’s exhausting for starters. And it’s not effective (I sure know, trust me I tried!..).
The solution
Instead, what if you acknowledged what is really driving all this overwork? This would give you the space to allow yourself to cut back just a little bit, to start with. Then you can see the effect it has. Or how what you feared didn’t eventuate. Little by little you can start questionning the programming, and make up new rules for yourself. Your feelings will get appeased, and your to-do-lists become manageable. And you will contribute more into your world, I can guarantee.
This is hard work to do on yourself, absolutely. But it is also so freeing, and rewarding. What if you just didn’t know until now that you were operating from this programming? Be gentle with yourself. It did serve you very well in your career so far. It got you here.
But there comes a point where our responsibilities grow so much that we need an upgrade to our programming. Because we reach our limits. So look into what is driving you, and if it comes from a feel good place. If it doesn’t, change it. You don’t have to do all the things. Life is too short to run endlessly. You miss out on the good and enjoyable bits.
Like this and want to stop overworking? Let’s chat some more during a Career Clarity call – find out more here.
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