How to get your confidence back

This is a recurrent theme with the women I help. I’m sure you might relate to this too. You get to a place where you want that confidence back. That level of assertiveness, of ambition, of risk-taking, and of kicking goals. You feel like you have lost touch with that old version of you, and today’s challenges seem pretty daunting and depleting. If only you could get that shot of renewed confidence, everything would be easier.

Firstly let me ask you this : where has your confidence gone? Did someone take it? Did some circumstances rob you of it? It may be that you experienced some failures, redundancies, or setbacks which put a big fat dent into it. I get it. We all have our share of things not going the way we want, as our life is always 50/50. So get clear on what you attribute your loss of confidence to.

Next up is going to be the breakthrough point for you. What if I told you that those external things or causes didn’t crash your confidence? Instead I would like you to consider that it is your thinking about those events that did. How you judged yourself for it, what you made it mean in terms of your value, or your ability. And that you are probably still thinking to this day. Could this be true?

Every time you think you have lost your confidence, you give into the story that you aren’t good enough. That you have some flaws, some gaps or need to upskill. This is the glass empty scenario. And what are the consequences?

When you come from a place of self-doubt, or low level of inspiration, you aren’t going to do your best work. You are going to miss opportunities pending right in front of your nose. What happens is that you use your time caught up in your own thoughts, whilst you could be spending it creating something meaningful. You might even make some mistakes, take the lazy route, or do nothing. That will in turn reinforce your feeling of low confidence.

Confidence is an inside job. You let it go, and you get it back. It can take an instant. Because it requires you getting out of the ‘pity-party’ you have crafted in your head, on the back of external circumstances. The main thing is for you to know that you have control on how confident you feel. No one else gets to dictate that for you. So instead of looking for validation outside of you, start with believing within you that you are worthy.

You were worthy 10 years ago, 1 month ago, and you will still be in one year. This does not change. You were born with all your gifts and unique combination of skills, ideas and potential. Nobody else can do you as good as you. So know that it’s there, as sure as you are breathing.

As a side note, you need to be able to untangle confidence from competence. Get clear on what competence gaps exist (if any), and how to fill them. However you can remain fully confident in your ability to do this.

Confidence will come from your thinking about yourself. If you can decrease the amount of self-criticism going on inside your head, you get it back. If you can stop listening to outside opinions that make you question or doubt, you will find it. It’s that simple.

Can you imagine how your world would look like and feel like if you were confident? All the actions you would be taking? Yes, this is the prize. This is the value, the point of getting out of bed.

In the end: are you going to stay in withdrawal mode, blaming your past or something outside of you; alternatively are you going to know there is another 50% of the glass always full sitting there. You get to choose and decide how confident you feel. Try this on and see for yourself.