There is a stigma attached to feedback. People dread it, so they avoid it. And when they hear the word, they immediately think it’s negative. It does not have to be like this, and it shouldn’t be. Here is my personal take on feedback, what I’ve made of it and how I encourage everybody to embrace a feedback mindset.
The image associated with feedback stems from bad management practices. Far too often feedback is never ever given, until it’s too late and by that point it is not constructive (more like destructive actually). On top of this, you might not expect it and get caught by surprise – which usually does not make you feel very receptive. So based on this, it’s now wonder we can dread it and treat it like the enemy.
To make things worse, if you are like me, you may have got great feedback in the first part of your career. Only to be receiving later some comments on bad habits you have developed overtime. So when it happens, it might hurt more than it should because you had strictly no idea and you were used to excellent feedback.
What makes good feedback? First it needs to be balanced. Feedback is always about what’s working and what could be improved. If it focuses on outputs only, here is your warning sign that it is incomplete. It’s as much about the ‘what’ than it is about the ‘how’. Sadly too many managers forget about the ‘how’ part because they don’t know how to word it or don’t even know it’s important. Especially watch out when you start managing people in your role, or interact with a lot of stakeholders – make sure you get feedback on that too.
Secondly feedback should be objective. By this I mean it should not be about something one person observed once. It is about repeated patterns and facts observed by several. And if the feedback is objective, it will be detailed and measurable – leaning on facts and examples. It is not fluffly or vague, or just someone’s opinion or worse, perception. It’s important to distinguish the two, because one is feedback and the other is judgment.
Thirdly feedback needs to be timely. This is the one most overlooked. Traditionally performance reviews were ‘the’ place for feedback. How wrong is this! Feedback should be regular. As opposed to a stick at strategic times in your employment (probation, reviews, exit), feedback should be the pulse of your employment. If you are not getting it regularly, I would strongly suggest you start asking for it.
Once you have made peace with the fact that feedback isn’t the enemy, you can open yourself to solicit it and acknowledge it. Ask your manager a few weeks into a new job. Survey stakeholders after a key presentation. Share a significant piece of work with your colleagues asking for comments. People will feel valued that you ask them. If you lead a team, create a moment in the weekly team meeting for feedback and recognition.
So what if you have received feedback? If it was planned or asked for, say thank you. If it’s a surprise feedback-giving session, say you appreciate the communication and wished you had heard it sooner. In all cases ask all the questions you need to get 100% clear on the content. Ask for examples, situations or what would have been the desired action/behaviour so you are not left to interpret anything. Be clear on what it is you are doing very well (not just ‘you are doing a good job’) and what it is that needs attention.
I always recommend using a 2-step approach: listening to feedback, then responding. If you are a regular feedback user, you might want to combine the two in one discussion. Because you would have heard about similar strengths or areas for development earlier on. Otherwise take some time to process it, learn from it and decide what you want to make of it.
When processing feedback, ask yourself what sits well with you and what does not. Then ponder why that is. What can you put the positive feedback down to? How much responsibility have you got into the negative part? How does it sit with your known strengths and weaknesses? And finally what can you and are you prepared to do with it? Sometimes, if the feedback generates new questions, it can be a worthwhile exercise to ask more people in your surrounding or through a 360 degree survey (people can respond anonymously).
Anyhow, it will always make you stronger. Because you know what you are great at, and what you need to work on. You are not left figuring this out on your own. Which often equals constantly replaying the same doubts about your worthiness or ability in your head. The price of avoidance is ignorance, followed by lower self-confidence. So in the end, you are the one losing – not them.
Ultimately when unsure about what you are prepared to change, ask yourself: ‘is this an obstacle to my career goal?’. If yes then you need to work on it through training, coaching, mentoring. Be compassionate with yourself and give yourself time. Now you are on the journey. Or perhaps the comments given feel so out of alignment with your values and what you know of yourself. In that case, you might want to think about whether your company is the right place for you.
In every way I see it, proper feedback is always a gift: knowing what you do well (that you may not be aware of), what you need improve on (that you had no clue about), what is not seen from you (that you need to show more of), what is asked of you (that you are not prepared to do). And it is the gift of permission to your manager to be honest and for them to be open to receive feedback as well.
It’s up to us to change the way feedback is perceived in businesses, by people both at the receiving and the giving ends. By starting to ask for it more often, we give everybody more permission and motivation to give it and ask for it in return. Communication improves and your doubts fade. So make feedback part of your work life, like your lunch breaks and your meetings. And give it the value it deserves.
