The big fear elephant in the room

If you are looking for a different career, and haven’t got there yet, let me give you the shortcut straight to the real reason why. Deep down, you are letting a special fear stop you: the fear of failure. This is such a big one, and because we want to avoid it all costs, it starts with us barely realising it’s there. So I’m proposing that we go there. How? By exploring how we feel, dissecting it and facing it. This will allow you to get through it and decrease its power over you. As a result, you will regain some of your inner drive to act.

What we are afraid of the most is that we will make the wrong job or career decision, and that it won’t work. We might struggle in it – technically for starters. Do we even have all the skills? Are our skills that top notch? Maybe we need to polish on our skills or gain new ones. Then there is the financial side of things, because any change involves some risks. What if we don’t make enough income? What if this impacts on other people? We could also lose some perks, or job entitlements that we got so used to. And we don’t know if we will be fine without them.

Next up is about the impact of a new job on the rest of our lives. What if our schedule doesn’t work with your family, or current commitments. It could get chaotic, and upset the current routine. We don’t want to work too hard either, since we probably want to leave a current situation for the exact same reason. What else is happening for you? What are you truly afraid of if it doesn’t work out?

If our next step doesn’t work, the fear ultimately becomes about what this means about us. To other people and to ourselves. We would look ridiculous for trying and not succeeding. We would be miserable and have to pretend we are not. And then what? We would be secretely wondering what to do next. Imagine if we had to go back to our old job, how shameful and deeply annoying this would feel like. It would truly sting. And we would personally be so disappointed with ourselves, because we didn’t get what we wanted. Does this ring true?

Overall our biggest fear is to not make it, and that it will impact us greatly. Personally and professionally. Who would actually want that? Therefore we want to avoid all those negative potential consequences as much as possible. We look for ways to eliminate all those risks: we want absolute clarity, a complete step-by-step plan, a financial net. Alternatively we look to people who have done just that and want to download their brain, or their manual. Or we simply do nothing. We wait, toss, hope. Whilst getting frustrated that change isn’t happening.

The good news is that your fear of failure, whilst absolutely real, is not necessary. Because most of what you are afraid of is never going to happen. I can vouch for that, taken from my own experience or with women like you. These are just thoughts currently made up in your mind, based on your past and where you are at. But the minute you step forward with any kind of action, you are into the future and learning a new reality. You discover what it is like. You try and see results, so you adjust or change. Things happen, you get on your way, and you eventually get there. You can’t know this right now, because you haven’t started. And if you don’t start, you will never, ever know.

So all you have to do right now is two-fold. Firstly recognise that your fear of failure is absolutely normal and valid, but it only lives in your head. Secondly you shall co-habit with it, and do something nevertheless. Take that one small action: make a call, book a free coaching session, research an industry, register to an event, reach out to a contact etc. “Feel the fear and do it anyway” as the book reads. You’ve got this. Tell me how it feels afterwards.