I am clearly opening the Pandora box here of what we feel and fear about at work…And it can be like a dozen things. Or worse, it can keep changing. But one thing is for sure, we never run out of things to be afraid of in our daily work lives. So here I am tackling the five main fears that can come up for you regularly on the job, and what to do about them.
First up, our fears of management. Our bosses, their bosses and basically anyone with power over us. The masculine type of leadership is still very much at play in businesses, where authority and a patriarchal management system are glorified. And therefore us stuck in middle management always feel like we need to know where we are at with our bosses. We are unsure if we should or shouldn’t send that e-mail. If we should talk at that particular meeting. If we are doing enough, and delivering fast enough. I could keep going…
The point is, management isn’t your frame of reference. You are your own. To start with, managers don’t spend much of their time thinking about what you are doing. Trust me, they are focused on their own frame of reference. So what is smart to do is to understand what matters to them. Once you know what are the ‘visible’ signs that you need to emit to them, you can refocus your fears on doing just that. The rest with them won’t matter.
Secondly we all love job security, and can spend a lot of energy worrying about our job future. What will happen at my performance review? Will my contract get renewed? What if feedback is negative about my work? What if the project isn’t successful? And so on. This is a mix of future tripping and a lack of self-confidence in your role today. Us women can be particularly good at that. The rule here is simple: if it hasn’t happened, do not fear it. Stand proud that you have earned where you are today, and that whatever will come your way, you will deal with it (as you always have…if you look back).
The third most common fear is about not doing something we enjoy. Which could lead to boredom and a lack of fulfilment. So we agonise about picking the ‘right’ job or project. That constant ‘what if’ it’s not good enough, or I am not really challenged by it? What if I am missing out on something else?Those thoughts eat you up because you are unconsciously not backing yourself up. And on top of that you often wonder if that would be acceptable (by you, but really you are wondering about others too).
I like to look at it from the opposite angle: ‘what if I end up really enjoying it?’. Who says it needs to have X,Y and Z to be the perfect recipe? We can just overthink our jobs and tasks, and most times our intuition got us the foot in the right door. Because we feel good. So my advice here is to follow your gut, not your head. If you are excited or curious, that’s enough.
The fourth fear is unfortunately creeping up in a lot of workplaces. It’s the ‘what if I get stressed out’ kind of fear. We are motivated by a project or company, but the workload and staff expectations freak us out a little. We imagine the long hours, lack of breaks, and all the hard work that will be required from us. It’s sadly a realistic fear these days. If we have experienced stressful situations before, we are likely to have that fear come up like a visiting guest every time something triggers the past.
The remedy for the fear of stress is a tough one: you need to set your own boundaries. To this day I haven’t found any other alternative that works. It’s up to you to be clear on your limits and be courageous to enforce them. Look at your workload, what’s realistic and what has to go. Make choices in accordance with your team, clients or boss. Communicate what you are prepared to do, and not to do. Set your expectations of yourself at the right level too, no point shooting too high.
The last one is the biggest one, and it comes in all forms and shapes. It’s the fear of not being good enough. That’s the crippling one, behind our powerpoint slides or our answers to people. We hesitate, we hide, we procrastinate, we blame. From the fear of making mistakes to overlooking an important aspect, all the way to looking plain ridiculous, we have a vast scale of options to feel not so good. They are nearly available at every step we take in our work days, with or without people.
But do not despair…there is a way to handle this fear. First get familiar with it. Spot it in its various forms in your thinking at work. Label it, which is the halfway mark and going to make you feel better instantly. Then everytime the ‘not so good’ fairy pays you a visit, acknolwedge it and get back in charge. How do you know it’s true? 99% of the time, it isn’t. So get on with it, send that email, say what you have in your head. Try and see the results, and you will learn anyway. Trust that you know your stuff, that’s the reason you are there.
I am aware none of the above ‘anti-fear’ remedies are easy to implement. But the alternative of living from one fear to the next isn’t an easy one for your life either. There will always be some fears. But at least you can learn to get over the main ones, one at a time. Spot, wipe and rewrite. Life is very much OK most of the times, that’s the secret our parents forgot to tell us. So don’t hold yourself back, deal with your fears so you can focus on what you are great at.
