Talking about emotions at work is like opening a big pandora box. But I will have a go, because there is so much to learn I’m hoping this can help you on the journey. Emotions are like a giant pitfall if we don’t control them, yet at the same time our best weapon to know ourselves and perform at our best. Sounds paradoxical? Let’s dive in and take a look at how emotions impact our work.
Have you felt that frustration when a manager makes a bad decision? Or that annoyance when a colleague does that thing again that you hate. The gut-wrenching feeling that your performance is in question. The guilt that you have to leave work for the day. The fear that you’ve left something out. The anger that your boss did not acknowledge your efforts. The nerves before a big presentation. The overwhelm looking at your growing to-do-list. I could go on forever. Negative emotions are rife in the workplace, because we simply work with people. Our values, judgements and perceptions constantly clash with others. And our own inner critic does not really leave us at peace either.
But you guessed it, negative emotions at work aren’t worth your time. Firstly because they take up some energy and brain space that could be used a lot better for productivity and enjoyment. Secondly because they always show, albeit to a different degree based on how good you are at controling yourself. Thirdly because they are usually overplayed and irrelevant a few days later. And finally they tend to attract more of the same feelings. Have you noticed when you dislike your boss how you always find further evidence to feel the same way? Who wants to feel like this day in day out?
I was terrible at handling my emotions at work for the first 10 years of my career. The French in me didn’t have a filter and I would share how I felt, regardless of the consequences. That was good and bad – when I was energised, it was contagious. When I was unhappy, it would only bring me further down. And this is what I mostly (and sadly) recall years later. How I wasted my time with negative emotions on things or people I often had very, very little control over. That made me quit jobs, hold grudges, and rant at home more than was useful. For what?
So here is the nugget of wisdom for you: when you have negative emotions at work, let go of everything you can’t control. No matter how unfair or whatever else this feels to you, there is nothing to gain and it blocks your power to influence anything. That’s the giant pitfall I was talking about. It can be challenging for us women, as we naturally display our emotions and sensitivity more.
If you easily take that route, catch yourself, feel the negative feeling for a minute, then choose to let it go. Shake it off you and shush the negative committee in your head. That’s hard, but that’s within your power. The best workers are those who can overcome their negative feelings quickly and keep them in check. It helps not to hang out with people who gossip or complain a lot (see my article here about this topic).
Now emotions are not all bad – far from it. They are the best tool to learn what’s going on and improve your situation. If you find yourself regularly experiencing the same emotions, it’s time to think about why and how to change things. Watch others around you and read their emotions – it is powerful to know how to handle conversations, influence people and strategise. Trust me, everybody discloses some degree of emotion. You just have to get good at spotting them – in their eyes, in their body langage, in their voice, in their actions etc.
Finally emotions are also what makes women amazing leaders in the workplace. From that perspective, they should be embraced and leveraged. I’m talking about positive emotions such as empathy, kindness, respect, vulnerability, courage, enthusiasm and much more. These make business a better and more successful world. So we need to bring them out, within the right proportions.
You get it, emotions at work are all about striking the best possible balance: pushing out the negative, and bringing forth the positive. See how you feel everyday, and watch where you are on the spectrum of emotions. If too far near the negative too often, it’s time for a new perspective and probably some change. You can’t often be too far in the positive, but ensure you rein in some of those positive energies to harmoniously fit in, and channel them into delivering an amazing output.
