Comparison at work and more generally in you career is quite often a trap. However I am here to also say that it can be a positive indicator for you. So not all is bad when it comes to comparing. Naturally there are some watch-outs, which we are going to explore here – along with how to avoid them. And we will look at the upside of comparison, because there is always a silver lining!
First of all, let’s clarify that a lot of the comparisons we make are often unconscious. We are not expressing them verbally, and we don’t even think that we are comparing ourselves to others. However, we do things like feeling bad when we see someone getting a good job. Or we go into hiding mode from a friend who has gone to the next level. And my favourite is, we go into full introspection mode regarding what we want, digging into personal development books or venting to our best friend. All those my friends are symptoms of not being satisfied of where you are at in relation to others.
You probably heard this already, but the cornerstone of our ‘comparisonitis’ is this: we think others have it much better, and are more successful. They have a better job, earn more money or simply seem to nail whatever they are doing. Whilst in fact, we are only judging appearances and have no idea what’s underneath the surface. The quote ‘don’t compare your inside to someone else’s outside’ sums up really well what we fall prey to. You see someone who looks like they have perfectly together? Chances are that this person is struggling as much as you – probably even more to keep appearances up. We simply don’t know the whole story, and we are just too quick to react within us just based on what we are interpreting. Does this sound like it could be flawed? Totally.
So ‘comparisonitis’ is bad for you when you stop at the surface of things and attach meaning to it for you personally. Nobody is actually giving you that meaning except yourself, so it’s up to you to detach from comparison. Watch your thoughts and catch yourself thinking that someone has something better than you. Then reframe by thinking these are your thoughts projected onto the person. See the difference? When you are comparing, you are mirroring your own thoughts. Including the bad ones…so use this as a learning tool! You don’t want to be collecting more evidence to fuel your negative self-talk.
Amongst the watch-outs about comparisons is also looking up way too much. This is a bit of an untold one, and I feel obliged to bring it a bit more into the light. We praise role models and encourage everybody to have them, follow them and get inspired. With social media making this even more accessible and easy to fake, we can unconsciously raise our own bar irrealistically. I’m for role models, but they are not my main source of inspiration. I prefer to live in my own reality, tap into people I relate to right now who share the same goals. So beware of role models, or others you admire. Because you simply might not be at that stage right now, or anytime soon. There is a time, and a curve for everything.
Another belief I strongly adhere to is that everybody has unique talents and interests, so comparing is useless. I never ever look at my competition for instance. I believe there is plenty of space for everybody, and we all have different ways of serving the world. This distance takes time to build, but it is very liberating. I see many business owners paralysed by comparisons with others. Whilst they are creating businesses that should express their gifts and purpose into the world. Same in our jobs: we have unique skills and strengths, and we should focus on casting them where they are going to shine the most. Not where we are seeing anybody else shine.
This brings me to the upside of ‘comparisonitis’. And I love that there is one. When you compare, you are in the back seat. It’s like you can see the road ahead, but you are stuck away from the action. I see comparisons as little nudges that you are ready for the next step. I hear people saying to me ‘look at you, you have definitely got somewhere in your career’ and I think ‘my darling you are so ready to get there yourself’. So let me tell you this in the most caring way: when you envy someone or comment positively about someone else’s, it means you are ready for more. For the next job, the next adventure, the next pivot. So when you catch yourself comparing, ask yourself instead: what small step can I take right now towards my goals? And what are those goals again?
Comparisons are principally unconscious, repetitive dents into your self-worth, which can only alter it and damage it further. On the other hand, they can also be revealing of what you need to do right now. So tap into this juicy energy and leverage it for your own self. Empower your staff members who compare – it means they are ready for more. Encourage a friend who is sighing at someone else’s progress. Get into the driver’s seat and drive your own career boat.
