In my surrounding of clients and friends, I see people who want a change in their lives. Quite often it is about a change in their career, their day-to-day job or a direction altogether. And there is no manual for that. Having been through change myself over the last two years, and witnessing the dynamics from a coach’s perspective, I want to share here a few insights and tips to help if you are on a change journey.
Firstly change is brought up by discomfort, or some kind of disruption. You no longer accept a situation, or you no longer cope with being out of alignment. You need to be able to hear this call, in the middle of your busy life. Some people wait too long, and change can be brought upon by external circumstances because life has a way of regulating. But it is much better if you can spot your need for change and act on it.
Enter here the first barrier which is our often unconscious programming. We immediately find reasons why we could not, or should not. We simply resist change and get dragged back to status quo, even before we explore it. This has been proven by science – we prefer to avoid losing a current situation rather than gaining something potentially better. So we can sit in this cycle of wishes followed by refusal for a long time. The breakthrough – as it came for me – is in realising that the only person you need permission from is YOU. The only person you are waiting for is YOU. So show up to yourself and decide. It is such a liberating step, and you are ready to move forward.
Once you enter the exploration phase, new devils come up. The first one is perceived ignorance. You think you have no idea about what you want, or where to start. In the most loving way I can put this, you are blocking yourself from seeing the clues. Don’t beat yourself up, we are human and all our fears or beliefs follow us around at any turn or even peek we take of the world. But the clues are right here, in your daily life. Look for the signs – small opportunities that grab your attention for a minute, ideas popping into your head, or getting hooked by someone’s talk or article about a topic. There is a reason why your mind filtered these out. The best tip if this is you is to carry around a notepad and write down the things that you are drawn to.
The second devil is overwhelm. Your mind races into action mode so frantically, you start complicating your options and end up unsure of which path to take. If you are a little bit of a perfectionist, you produce a long list of things to do, research, learn or get. And you are unsure of the outcome really. So this will surely slow down your change process, and potentially put you back to square one because it’s just too hard.
Another devil is our worrying power. You start thinking of all the things that would be required, what this could mean for others, what’s to lose out of the situation, the potential risks and so on. All of these often go back to the worry of failing, or not feeling like we are good enough. We will come up with lots of fears because of these inaccurate beliefs that circle in our head and stop us from taking action. My tip here is to write down everything that comes up for you without editing. Then you can identify the core themes and question if they are true. Another good remedy is also to decide not to worry about things until they become a problem.
For all of the devils that come up during your exploration phase, the best strategy is to get help. It can come in the form of a coach, a supportive partner, a close friend, a mentor at work – or any combination of these. For having been there, I found that a coach helped me see through my own blocks and ensure I was committed to change. Whichever form of help you choose, make sure it is deeply rooted in positivity. Surround yourself with people who are optimistic, believe in you, and will encourage you beyond your own self-doubts.
This brings me to the most critical part of the process: action. A sentence that particularly resonates with me is the following: ‘the spark for change is change’. There is no other way around it. And for being on the other side of change, having seen it happen, it is so true. There is no ‘preparatory’ step or transition phase you can sit in before it starts happening for you. You really need to take one step towards your goal. You may hear this a lot, but it’s because it simply is true and there isn’t any other strategy that has been found as yet (e-mail me if you find another!).
And that is why change is so hard: you have to sit in an uncomfortable position for a while AND take some action. Who wouldn’t prefer just a nice cup of tea and a movie. But this is where you grow, and the hardest bit is to get started. Because I promise you, the minute you do, you will see little empowering shifts and your motivation will get stronger. So just get started. What is that one step you can take today to change? Who do you need to help you? Sit with it, and start listening to the answers. Then you are on your way….
