I see the vast majority of working women running around managing multiple things and wishing they had time for themselves. Even if it’s just one little bit of time for self-care. But it never happens. Why? And if you are in that boat, how can you change things so that it does finally happen?
Well the answer is quite simple, but it does not mean it is easy to hear or to implement. The reason why it does not happen is because you don’t let it happen. Sorry to break it to you, I mean it in the most caring way though. You fill your days with plenty of other things, and say yes to all that very consciously. Meanwhile you unconsciously say no to yourself. Once you can see that it is your mindset that is keeping you away from self-care, you will shift like the switch of a button.
The core of this situation is that you do not believe deep down that you are allowed to take time for yourself vs. doing other things. Your inner ranking puts you second, third, if not last. You don’t feel that you are entitled to it, that you deserve it. Don’t beat yourself up, this is not willingly but as the result of your upbringing, your values and mindset. In other words, it is just the way you operate. Did your mother take time for self-care? You know it sounds good, but you just cannot seem to fit it in. Or you just sigh when you hear someone else who has had a bit of pampering, wishing it was you too. Sounds familiar?
That is totally OK, so many of us run busy lives like this and we manage otherwise. That’s the thing – you don’t absolutely have to. But I would like to invite you to try a little bit of self-care, like an experiment. Do I need to advocate here the tremendous benefits of it? The web and books abound on this topic. You will be a better worker, a better parent, a better partner. I would also like to add that you will stay in touch with yourself as you re-center, and that way you stay somewhat connected to your intuition, which is a lifesaver in many instances.
So how do you do it? Again it is simple, and this time very easy. You decide, and the secret is that you plan it. Without planning, it will remain a beautiful wish that unfortunately will get pushed down the list of priorities again (see the cycle? go back to the second last paragraph). So I would like you to decide what you want for yourself – even as simple as a walk by yourself, a 30mins run, a bath, a cup of tea by yourself in a café, an express manicure…- and schedule it. Even if this sounds too rigid for you. I know you are very likely an excellent organiser as most women are. So decide what is your activity and book it in. Call up your beauty salon, pick a date and book it in. Make a date with yourself to go on a walk, or go to a class.
Once you have scheduled your activity, honour your commitment. Say no if anything or anyone tries to book something on top of it, as it will happen. This is an important appointment with yourself. No excuses. And you will be so looking forward to it in advance that it will make you happy even before you have enjoyed it.
It’s that easy – as long as your give yourself permission to want it, and to make it happen. Ask your partner or a friend for help with the kids if needed. That is not being greedy. That is called taking care of yourself & loving yourself enough. So what are you going to book? Start small if you never fit in self-care these days. Pick one thing to do during the month. For me it’s my monthly hour massage, and it’s non-negotiable including with myself. I book the next one in as I leave my appointment, so guess what, it does happen every month. If you already have some self-care in your month, what else do you long to do? How can you add it to your week, without feeling guilty? Get your diary out and book it in.
I would love to know how you are doing with this. Self-care is a very dear topic to me, as I believe it is an essential part of balance in your life. Especially if you are a mother, you really need to take that little break given how much you need to give back. If we don’t have anything in our tank to start with, life gets pretty draining and we can fall into negative patterns quite easily. So add in a little bit of self-care, and see the difference for yourself.
