I want a job to make me happy

A lot of us are looking for a job to make us happy. To bring us positive emotions so we feel better in our life overall. We want fulfillment, a job we love. We would like to spend work days feeling in the flow, valued and enjoying ourselves. There are two flaws with this thinking: firstly it’s not our job’s job to make us happy. Secondly we give our power away to our jobs and bear the consequences. Let me explain in details what I mean.

Jobs aren’t there to make us happy

We live under the misconception that happiness resides in something external from us. This is fuelled by advertising, social media, and technology amongst other things. We think when we have <X> we will feel better, including a job. But jobs are unable to make us happy. There are always 50/50, with good and bad in each of them. Just search and you will find thousands of proofs of the negative 50%: workload, working hours, stress, relationship issues, lack of recognition, not the right pay, tough environment… This is real and part of life when we work.

So the danger is in believing there is a job out there that will make us jump out of bed in the morning and no longer feel like we currently do. Because we aren’t comfortable with those negative emotions, we hide them or don’t want to sit with them. Next job please! No (new) job will ever make us 100% happy. Because happiness is an inside job. We have it the wrong way around, thinking a job will fix that part of our life we don’t like. Happiness comes from us, and flows into our jobs, allowing us to cope with the 50% that’s not so enjoyable.

We are sold the dream that a new job will fix our issues, including our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Sorry folks. Self-worth is an inside job, that you can do from anywhere. I know now that a job is purely an external manifestation, like a jacket we picked to wear. In other words we can be happy in plenty of jobs, if we choose to. Do you know people who have the perfect job on the outside, but somehow never seem happy? What about people who have what may seem an ordinary job to you, but we are beaming with happiness at work? This is the proof the two aren’t linked.

Outsourcing our happiness to aspects of a job

The other issue with thinking our job will make us happy is that we place so many expectations into it, which can come crumbling later on.  We look to various aspects of a job to complete us. And many of these aspects are actually totally external to us – starting with people. How many of us take a job because we want to learn, be inspired and mentored by the leader there? Because we like the team? Those things are not immune to change. If anything these days it is a given they will change. So check what makes you pick a job, and how much of that is linked to external circumstances.

We think we are doing our due diligence when interviewing, and feel pretty certain we will have what we are looking for. But if these things are external to us –  money, people, job stability, environment – we are at the mercy of being disappointed and ultimately unhappy. There is no insurance against the 50% negative part. So check how much are you expecting your next role to be foolproof in terms of bringing you happiness.

Instead choose a job because YOU like it. Because it aligns with your values, your choice of industry, your ideal working hours or location. Because it allows YOU to do things outside of work that you like. You get to decide on the 50% that you will like in it. That is what job fulfilment truly is – not the 100%. Pick a job where even if the people changed, you would still find it valuable. This means at times disregarding other people’s judgment, the need for status (unless status is what makes you happy) or what would be ‘expected’ of you.

At the end of the day, you will be in that job experiencing the good & the bad. If you picked it because the previous failed at making you happy, hoping this time it will be different, the same pattern will likely continue.  It’s always a good idea to get into a new job knowing roughly what the bad 50% looks like. Then trust me the other 50% will be enough to bring you joy and fulfillment, if you chose it according to YOU.