I was recently dealing with a supplier that I knew well from previous circumstances. I quickly spotted some conflicting tensions within myself: whilst I was connected on a personal level with that person, on the other hand I was now just doing my (new) job. Meanwhile, as I was pondering which stance to take, that supplier chose to open up to me quite substantially. Nice for the trust, but that didn’t help.
So how do you navigate those situations at work, when there is internal conflict? When existing relationships or information get thrown into the ring, you might find situations hard to navigate. You are at risk of favouring someone, losing someone’s trust or you can feel like you are stuck in a sandwich. And you are sitting there, with conflicting emotions within your belly and no operating manual. As women, we can be tempted to talk, share, open up, to seek validation or find answers. In other words let our emotions guide our thoughts & actions. That’s why we are particularly at risk when the lines get blurry.
I’m not talking here about confidential information – we all know that is a big no-no once you sign an employment contract. Neither am I talking about ethics – a different topic altogether. When something you are asked to do or say clashes with your values and character, then it is your personal decision to stay the course or walk away. I tend to do the latter, but with niceties to ensure nobody gets impacted.
So there you are, caught up between a rock and a hard place. What to do? Firstly my advice is always to go with your gut feeling. The inner you – your experience, qualities and intuition – will always hunch you one way or the other. The hardest part is to listen and know what it’s telling you. Without letting the train of worrying thoughts hit the station with its ‘what if…’ or ‘the consequence will be…’. That’s why it’s an instant reaction, which you must catch early on. In my example when I heard the pessimistic tone of voice of the supplier, something told me not to follow down that path. So I stuck to my business agenda.
Now what if you have no clue? Or even if you have a gut feeling but can’t act on it? You can always start with buying yourself time. Make an excuse to reconvene to get time to reflect or seek advice. It’s always OK to tell people we will get back to them by the way (our society just tends to forget that). Taken out of context, you can better analyse the situation and decide what is the best decision to make.
Finally, if all else fails, my bottom line suggestion after years of business experience is this: stick to business, as money rules. Even when we have the best relationships, I have seen time and time again how decisions are based on power and on money. I don’t want to sound cynical, but businesses are created to make profits. Including your suppliers, your managers, your clients. So these rules create the framework in which you always operate. Money can take many forms: profit, client or staff retention, an NPS score, shares, tenders, client reviews…etc. but it is the implicit guiding force.
So knowing that you are best to stay within the lines of business – what can you do from a personal point of view? That’s when things get interesting. You can add your own colour to the situation. It can be through your body language, how your word up an e-mail or the tone of your voice. It can be how you leave things at, or what you ask in return. You don’t have to leave your personal values and feelings at the door. But you must be smart about them. Making a decision with your head because you have to, can leave you feel yucky. That’s not a great place to be. So you need to find the sweet spot where you leave the situation feeling good. Where it feels clean, neutral, and it does not bring up anything negative for you.
Internal conflicts can feel painful, but they are also a great opportunity to learn and test your authenticity muscles. Listen to that inner voice first, then treat it like it’s business but with your own zest.
