When it comes to conversations at work, there are nuances useful to know for your career success and your own enjoyment levels. Chatting isn’t just chatting. Every word you utter at work pretty much impacts you in return, in a positive or negative way. Nobody tells you this, even when you have completed a Masters degree or a PhD. I have found this out quite late in my career, after opening up too much about my thoughts at work. So here is a bit of guide of how to navigate office conversations based on what category they fall under.
Firstly there is office chatter. These are conversations at the coffee machine, in the staircase, in the queue at lunch, or simply around desks. They are usually limited, pretty casual and all in all very safe. And they are good for you and the people you work with. Why? Because when you listen to someone else, you often learn something. There are so many unknown stories and facts about our colleagues that just add colour to our work day and juice to the culture. And on top of that, you will make the other person feel valued. The only rule here is that you must genuinely care – or you are falling into the ‘politics gone wrong’ basket (see further).
Now a by product of office chatter is what I would call chit chat. This is when a group of people gather to chat aimlessly, to avoid doing work or to take their minds off work. There is a real intent in chit chat, and honestly you don’t have to take part if does not float your boat. It’s totally OK and does not make you uncool. Especially if you are an introvert (check out my post specifically on this topic here) or if you are under pressure. Some would argue chit chat makes everybody relax and enjoy their days. But I believe there are many other ways to build a good culture and a team spirit.
Next up is the one you all know is coming – gossip. But to be totally accurate, by that I mean bitching – making negative comments about people or situations. The rest falls under chit chat. After years of experience, my advice is unapologetic: never, ever engage in bitching with others, or worse – start the bitching thread yourself. It’s a big no for yourself personally, as it will only make you feel down or worse. And it’s a big no for your career as moaners never ever reach their goals. Have you noticed how most of the people who bitch are the ones who never get a promotion or never get big projects? It’s a vicious cycle from there. So pay close attention to not enter this territory with your words. Reframe if you have to, or best – zip it.
Outside of those spontaneous talks, there is a type of conversation you want to practice: the political conversation. ‘Office politics’ gets thrown around a lot as a term, and often gets confused for chit chat or gossip. Real office politics are about navigating the organisation to enlist support for something you care about. And they are a good thing, that you need to embrace. Concretely this means planting the seed of a new idea or project with a few decision-makers. Or helping someone out, as you know you will require their help later. This is a strategic way of chatting. Some of the office chatter can turn into politics fairly seamlessly if you follow the flow of the conversation. If you are clear on your goals, you will pay attention in your conversations about what or who can help you gather the pieces you need or propel you.
There is sadly a type of behaviours that result from political conversations being overexploited. That’s what I call ‘office politics gone wrong‘. Some people become so skilled at the political game, that they turn it into a weapon in their success hunt. And those conversations turn into verbal abuse, bullying, manipulation or moral harassment. Of course I don’t need to tell you that those are harmful and that you need to run away from them. But those need to be tackled, not just escaped, for the behaviour to stop. I’ll cover solutions in a future post. If you are involved in that type of conversation, limit your opportunities to talk with the person face to face. Deal with everything in writing, as a way to protect you and to gather evidence.
So by now I hope you see the various nuances of the conversations surrounding you in the office: plenty offer beneficial growth opportunities for you, and some you have to beware of as they would only belittle you. This takes good self-awareness, so you know which territory you are in as you speak. And it’s OK to slip once in a while, by the way.
Have you noticed how if you talk in a happy mood, you feel generally happier at work? Indeed, you model the type of conversations you want to have around you. If nobody follows, then maybe you are not in the right place and it’s time to re-think. But often conversations are just a flow of energy that you charge with the vibes you choose to put in, and that bring you the rewards that match.
