We all have them around us…oh wait, this might even be closer to home! Workplaces are full of control freaks. I am talking micro-managers, people imposing their ways or views, or being overpowering. It can get on people’s nerves and usually hinders a satisfactory work climate. But we all have to deal with the personalities of others around us at work, whether we like or not. And if you got feedback that you are too controlling, you would benefit from reining this in too. So read on to learn how to manage control freak tendencies around you or within you.
Control is great if you work in a highly regulated, highly sensitive environment but most of the time we don’t. We operate in businesses where – let’s face it – the degree of risk is minor for most of our decisions. It’s not life or death, and things can often be corrected. But control freaks can’t help bringing their own various fears into their way of working, from spreadsheets to emails to projects. And the impact can be pretty devastating: staff disengagement, lower productivity, lack of new ideas or processes, and higher stress levels.
So how to deal with control freaks when you work closely with them every day? Firstly you need to have compassion for them. I know this may sound futile or ridiculous. But these people are very controlling because they often have been pushed to achieve high results early on. This turned into a mentality of striving and doing whatever it takes to ensure success. In other words, to avoid failure at all costs. This is also known as the ‘fixed mindset’ coined by Carol Dweck. And these people are imprisoned by their love of control. They don’t know or trust any other way to operate and reach their goals. So be compassionate because you may have a better ability to handle challenges. Or you may have been supported even when you failed.
The next step is to partially give into the controlling tendency of your co-worker or boss. This will establish a trusted foundation from them to you, as it signals you understand how they operate. If you rebel a bit too much, this will only reinforce their desire for control and make things worse for you. So play the game, knowing why you are doing it for. Nod, smile and see it as an external factor you cannot change. But know that it is not personal: all the control you are receiving is a reflection of the emitter, not you. Do not take it as a sign that you are not capable, or doubt yourself because it is often not true. If your confidence withers, it will only further fuel the other person’s desire to control your work.
Thirdly, you can also step up into action mode to improve the working relationship between the two of you. Find out what are the real stressors for that person: is it timing, resources, quality of work, their own image in the business, their level of experience?… Then be proactive and suggest actions that would ease the stress in those areas. You will be met with a warm smile and secretly earn points with that person. Because you help them lightening up the load without pointing the finger. With experience you will get to spot the ‘spikes’ of control in your peers, and switch into a non-jugmental mode where you offer an implicit solution.
Now what if you are a bit of a control freak yourself? That’s OK, there are plenty amongst us!… I have certainly been there myself in the past, and trust that I’m in recovery now. The truth is, it will take months & years for you to really make a shift if those habits have been ingrained since childhood. Because you need to go from the ‘pushing’ to the ‘allowing’ and that’s pretty much the biggest shift a mindset can make. So here are some little tricks you can start implementing to get you on the way to less control:
- create pauses in your day to stop and let things be: go for a walk, listen to a guided meditation, have a ‘holiday from life’ day once in a while
- create to-do-lists then cross-off three items that are not important and delegate one to someone else (like a meal to cook, a report to read, a phone call)
- ask friends and close colleagues to tell you when you are getting your control on (even in a funny way)
- take regular time off: you will realise how much things still get done without you
- go to meetings without taking notes and trust you will remember
- let someone choose a weekly task for you during an agreed timeslot
- give someone a task without directions on ‘how’, only the expected result
I hope the above can help you manage controlling people around you, or improve your personal balance of control vs. trust. Control can be really good at work to deliver outstanding performance, but it’s all a matter of balance. See it as a dance, a fluid movement, where at times you need to accept the control or seed some, and at others you just need to let the (better) flow take care of things.
