In working with my clients and in my own experience, I can see how support is critical to a successful career. It has been written about before, support is one of the key pillars to reaching your goals. But more importantly, it is about getting the right support for you. I will guide you here on what’s not good support and who needs to be on your support team.
Firstly let us all acknolwege that we need support to be achieving fantastic, rewarding careers. It does not mean we are not brilliant or that we are not coping. Sadly we are often brought up being told you need to drive everything or it won’t happen. This is great to make you a driven person, but on the other hand you forget or never feel like reaching out. Behind every successful woman, there is a supportive person. Be it their partner, their best friend, their parents..etc. Going solo means you are not giving yourself everything to be as successful as you can be.
So what’s to avoid when it comes to support? A whole lot of people quite often. The naysayers or people who live and breathe by ‘what could go wrong’. Others around you who don’t have goals of their own and feel unconsciously envious of yours. Insecure people who are looking for validation that fear is the way to go. Also people who don’t know you well, or at least the person you are right now. Unsupportive bosses who take credit for your work. Competitive colleagues who throw you under the bus to look good (rings a bell?). These people are all in the pile of ‘to deal with when circumstances dictate it’.
Now one common mistake I see in women is to rely on our partners as our major – if not exclusive – source of support. Sorry to break it to you, but on several fronts, they are not the right support for us. And it’s unfair to ask them to be that overencompassing support from where they are and who they are. They have a role (read further down) but it’s not usually the role of knowing the ins and outs of our careers. Neither are they usually equipped with the right advice when it comes to our choices, desires and goals. They don’t often understand our industries, our jobs and our challenges (unless they are working in the same business as you!). So when you think your partner is not being supportive enough, ask yourself if you are looking in them for the right things.
So who needs to be on your support team? Wherever you are at, and whatever your goals, I recommend you gather around you the following people:
- a champion: this person will always be there to push you up, praise your results and pick you up when you stumble. They believe in you with an undestructible faith, will always cheer you on and be by your side.
- a loving voice: this is often where your partner’s support is best expressed. It’s that emotional backbone, that voice telling you it’s going to be OK. Someone who just wants to see you happy no matter what you undertake. They might not know how to guide you specifically, but their intentions are the most loyal and heartfelt.
- a wise person: someone who will provide clarity where you need it, help you see what is going on and suggest objective solutions. This could be a coach, an older sibling, a parent, a counselor…someone who understands you and can put you back on the right path.
- an inspiration source: someone you always learn from and who energises you mentally. It can be a mentor, a role model, an inspirational leader, an artist you admire, a friend… anyone who takes you to another level when you spend time in their company.
- a fun buddy: this can be someone without much in common with you (being interests or age for instance) but who makes you laugh and provides a refreshing perspective. It can be our children, or that odd friend or childhood friend who has a totally different career path.
- a special club: a group of friends around the same interest, whatever you are into. This is a place to bond without any expectations and to relax – in one word, just be you. It could be a book club, a mother’s group, a wine drinking gang, a travelling tribe… you name it.
So who are these people in your life right now? Who do you need to find and add to your team? Reach out to your networks, use social media to connect and find them. It might not happen overnight, but once you understand who you need for what, you’re halfway there. By the way, this changes as you progress in life. You will learn who you need at every stage by listening to your gut feel.
And remember, not everybody needs to be on your team! Trust it, and the right people will show up. Or chances are, they are already there but you could be investing your support in the wrong places. Your right crew will value you, and feel augmented by you.
