Is this you? If so, you are in good company…I hear this a lot. I even used to say it myself. But I’ve come around and realised networking isn’t what it used to be. And the new way to network is enjoyable and really helpful for your career and life. So bear with me, and see for yourself if you would like this networking 2.0 version.
The old definition of networking is dead. Gone are the days where handing out business cards was the most effective way to do business or to build contacts. Do you even get cards printed? I bet if you do, they mostly sit in your top drawer. You also no longer have to shake hands to get a job somewhere. Or to find someone who knows someone inside your dream company. And the social conversations at business gatherings are just not the norm anymore. Who has got time for this anyway?
What have we gained? On the surface it looks like not a lot. People use business cards to look up contacts in LinkedIn or just leave them floating in their bags. Everybody can pretty much be looked up on LinkedIn or on organisational charts. At business meetings or conferences, 95% of attendees are checking their smartphone during down time or frantically punching emails. Networking has shifted to Friday night drinks that don’t have very much to do with business. Basically social media and technology have alienated our need for human interaction to foster work opportunities.
And with that have come more great ways for people to do business or to find work by themselves. You can set up shop on eBay or Etsy, or even set up your own website and sell to the public without requiring anybody’s help. Designers can set-up their on-line portfolio without having to show their work to anybody. Even reference checks are shifting to on-line questionnaires for large companies. Do you want work in a company without having the right background? Upload an innovative video showcasing yourself on YouTube and the door might magically open.
It’s not to say it is all doom and gloom in the world of networking and human interactions. Or saying that we can just do everything by ourselves. Thank goodness this is not true. But the reality is that networking has changed, and the best way to describe it nowadays is by talking about ‘nurturing conversations’. In simple terms, it is about finding ways that work for you and others to relate in a business environment or purpose.
Concretely, it starts with actually being with people. This might sound trivial, but it is the first step. So step away from your computer at lunchtime, or take that coffee break in the tearoom every afternoon. Go to the work drinks once, even for just one hour. Secondly it is about caring about people, having a genuine interest in finding more about them. By exercising curiosity for our colleagues, managers, business partners, we are able to build report and find better ways to achieve business objectives. This is the basis of all the social intelligence theories now endorsed by a lot of successful companies.
So the end goal of these ‘nurturing conversations’ is to connect with people and find the right communities. By this I mean groups where you are at ease in, with like-minded people or with people you aspire to be like. This is the new way to network: finding your tribes in Facebook groups, or in your local community (there is a trend for going back to small & local) or around shared interests. But if you don’t start by talking with people or seek to understand their interests, you will not find your networks. And this is how you find mentors or business opportunities by the way.
When you don’t fit in a network, it’s pretty obvious and not a nice feeling. That is OK, and you don’t have to fit in. But you must be authentic and find other networks better suited to you. So leave gracefully, and allow the group to focus on their particular interests. And when you fit in, it can be so incredibly rewarding because it flows. Then it is about contributing, sharing experiences and giving back. This can be especially important amongst women, so we can support each other in business and outside.
The other reason why many women dislike networking is because they are judging themselves too hard which affects their confidence. In nurturing conversations, there is a safe and trusted space for us women to feel OK to show up as we are. And by practicing it, you will entice other women to do the same. It’s as simple as this. So if you fear, be the first one to open up, and this will likely give permission to others to do the same.
So next time you hear about a ‘networking’ event, don’t frown and fear. Step away from the actual word and embrace this new way of networking. See it as a way to test out a community and how it fits with you. Try it to experience useful and energising conversations. The beauty of our interconnected world is that we don’t have the pressure anymore to make it work when it doesn’t. We have access to millions of people at our finger tips.
The techniques and codes have changed, but the underlying need is still the same. Our hearts remain the same. And as long as we will be human beings, we will have that need for connection and belonging. The group you are seeking is seeking you too, so give it a try.
