Are you guilty of taking on too much? I know I certainly fall down that trap too often. But I keep doing it, and getting the same results. My priorities get washed down with multiple others, and I get to the end of the week wishing I had done more. Therefore I have put in place some structure to help limit my tendency to overdo it. It works most time…when I stick to it! So I’m sharing here what works, so you can try for yourself.
First of all, let’s drop the mask about our load. It is partially self-imposed. Yes we live in a fast-paced society where demands on our time are forever increasing. We have access to pretty much everything all the time, therefore our desire to do more has sky-rocketed and become a way of life. Instead of saying no, we say a polite yes hoping deep down we will make it work. Because we want it all, and we want to be a great worker/partner/mother/friend all the time.
As a result we find ourselves racing from Monday to Friday, looking for the WE to catch a breather and dreading when it starts all over again. Weeks turn into months and before we know it half of the year is already gone which freaks us out. By trying to do it all, we lose sight of what our priorities are and we try to keep every detail afloat. But undeniably we fail, because we are humans and because things come up regularly that we have no allowance for.
So we find ourselves not returning a friend’s call, forgetting to answer some private emails, or to organise something for our children at school. We left ourselves too little time to complete an important project at work. One day there is even nothing left to eat at home. And guess where this is all leading us? To feel like a bad person. Like we are not good enough. Like we have not achieved anything. Well, have we or have we set ourselves to end up like this?
The key element not to take on too much is to be clear on your focus each week. And by this I mean which area of your life you want to focus on, and what your focus is. If we try to achieve multiple goals per week at home, at work, in our social life and for our health for instance, we are setting ourselves up to fail. Society is telling us and showing us how to be perfect in all areas, but it’s a scam. It just is not possible.
So first things first, what do you need most right now? If you work, what are your key objectives that you must deliver? What are the big, important nuggets? Focus on that and that only. The rest in perspective is just water under the bridge, or a way to fill time not focusing on the priority. Don’t look at what others are doing. Let them take on too much and lose sight of their own priorities. Put your big rocks first, as Stephen Covey said. Then politely reschedule the rest or delegate, or simply decide to remove it from your list full stop.
Do the same at home, with your family and friends. What is important right now? Once you can see through this lense, you can pick what is and what isn’t. And like with work, remove things from your to-do-list this week. And lose the guilt – that won’t make you a bad parent or a bad friend. Imagine how much more present you will be to them when you actually focus on them and value the time you spend with them. So pick three things per week and no more.
Another caveat here is that you need to be realistic. Which can be another pitfall. You want something so bad you 100% commit to reach your goal yet are in denial of how much work/time is required. I do this most of the time. Trust me, there is nothing enjoyable about rushing to the finish line or never achieving a set goal. That is just not a way of living, and we deprive ourselves from the experience of flow and ease. So be honest with yourself, and if you are like me, double the amount of time you have initially allocated. Reset your expectations, and see how much more content you end up at the end of your week.
So here is my little recipe for not taking on too much: drop the intention to do it all, sort the priorities to be clear on three things to focus on, and be firm in your execution. By this I mean, don’t let yourself wander of and accept distractions, or new shiny opportunities. Have the discipline to relook at your focus and stick to it. It will only take a few occasions for you to realise you are doing it and correct it seamlessly.
Don’t fear what others will think, because they are too busy in their own ‘too-much’ list. Be nice, respectful and communicate your priorities. No doubt you will inspire others to do the same. It’s time we replace the obligated ‘yes’ followed by stress with the true ‘yes, I choose this’. Then you regain control of your time and what happens during your weeks. And if you are ready for a real cure, I recommend reading ‘Essentialism’ by Greg McKeown. Wherever you are at, start small and start saying no to what’s not your priority.
